Today while flipping across one of my favorite on-line russian magazines I came across this funny article by Vera Kichanova in which she describes the absurdity of russian patriotic extremes. I made a translation of it.
No one but Russians are able to promote themselves positively
“We decided to break a common press-conference mode and begin it instead with the motto of our project – the motto is a craddle-song”, says Andrey Smirnov, businessman. Five men dressed in “white top, black bottom” costumes stand up in a row and start singing a sad song featuring a besieged school in Beslan. Meanwhile, the symbols of Russia are being screened on the wall: hammer and sickle, Cheburashka, balalayka, the olympian bear, felt boots, and a tank. Finally, the conclusive line pops up – “We are Russians. God’s with us!”
Smirnov and his affiliates believe that this is how the “mass asymmetric response to the global homosexual hysteria” should look like. The businessman emphasizes that the “Power in truth” project has nothing to do with Eugene Reusmann – a mayor-candidate in Yekaterinburg, who uses the similar motto in his election campaign. Even though the majority of people got familiar with the phrase in the movie “Brother-2”, it was actually Alexander Nevsky who first said these words, and now it is Smirnov who is first to patent them.
The idea of the project – the victory of the Russian civilization in the war with the rotten West. “We (me and other patriotic businessmen) have arrived to the conclusion that it is necessary to show our asymmetric position in the information war against the Russian civilizational project. The major weapon in this war is souvenirs”, says Smirnov.
First and foremost, the authors of the project plan to set up a couple of monuments of outstanding people who committed heroic deeds after the collapse of the USSR. Among them are soldier Eugene Radionov who refused to convert to islam and therefore was killed in the first Chechen war; Marat Rakhmetov (non Russian nationality) who rescued two drowning girls in the Moscow river; sailor Aldar Tsydendjapov (non Russian nationality) who rescued the torpedo “Bystryi”’s crew in fire in 2010. The authors of the project claim that all these people are Russians providing that the Russian nation was artificially divided after the Soviet’s collapse. The rest of the heroes to commemorate are subject to the internet elections. (Most important is to avoid the case of “Heart of Chechnya” which was about to win the name of the architectural symbol of Russia due to the fraud by Chechens).
Smirnov and his affiliate businessmen have prepared 72 souvenir-samples: those are so called signs of Russia – symbols designed to remind the world of Russia’s greatness and superiority. The collection includes the Orthodox church, head of Yuriy Gagarin, silhouette of football player Lev Yashin, Alexander Nevsky’s helmet, a missile, a tank, Cheburashka, hammer and sickle as well as “matryoshka and other nomenclature products” (as Smirnov calls it) such as magnets and stickers.
“Russian signs in English are supposed to be promoted in the rival civilizations. We have already signed agreements with a few large trade chains that cover railway stations, airports, and retail market,” elaborates Smirnov. “Our numerous focus-groups have proved that the goods are of great demand among the local consumers as gifts to each other, it is also a great way to give the asymmetric response”.
The Cheburashka symbol bares the text “Russians are more kind than you might think of them”, the hammer and sickle – “justice is the most important for Russians”, the felt boot – “Russians are not afraid of cold – they live in it”. Smirnov says that the mottos will be regularly updated thus relevantly addressing the reality. Today the most hot issue is “sexual perversions”. The journalists were given a sticker with a gun-image on it – “No entry for buggers and double-barrelled guns. So are Russian rules”. The “double-barrelled guns” stands for bi-sexuals, explained Mr.Smirnov.
Oleg Makarenko, top-blogger also known as Fritzmorgen was talking about information wars in the internet. “There are two conflicting groups in the internet: the so called orthodox believers and sodomists. I have some gay-friends – many of them are good people: they live their gay-lives, write poems, pursue hand-craft, there is nothing bad about them. The LGBT-activists (many of them are straight) however rise against the russian civilization with sodomist banners.” Fritzmorgen believes that LGBT-affiliation has long become a carrier ladder in the West – “one can quickly make a carrier using one’s butt”.
A blogger from St.Petersburg suggested Smirnov and his friends to send “humanity aid” boxes full of “Russian signs” to Syria so that the Orthodox Syrians could feel the support from the fraternal nation. Smirnov liked the idea. The businessmen don’t count on foreign visitors to buy their goods – “No one but Russians are able to promote themselves positively. There are quite few foreign tourists in Russia. So let Russians cover places where the foreigners stay with our stickers. The more the foreigners learn about us the more they fear us.”
The pictures are available here: http://slon.ru/russia/nikto_ne_budet_rasprostranyat_o_russkikh_pozitiv_krome_russkikh-986133.xhtml